why do alicia keys be writing songs in a key she struggles to sing in? teenage love affair x alicia keys

I enjoy sex. I like learning my partner’s body, engaging in personal fantasies & exploring kinks. I like the closeness and vulnerability it can foster between people after they’ve stripped themselves down and given in to their most primal, animalistic nature.  I like the art of seduction and desire, a pendulum that swings from hunter to prey and back again. I love sex, but I hate the idea that all roads of intimacy must lead to orgasm, lest they be wasted. In our pursuit of pleasure, we’ve lost sight of the very thing that makes it so. 

I miss the easy intimacy of my teenage years, where I would kiss for hours on end, a mess of intertwined limbs & chapped lips, and not be pressured into sex. I was insatiable. Puberty’s hormones surged through me like wildfire, threatening to consume me, only to be smothered by my partner’s insistence that we wait til we turned 18.  It was a fun and flirty, sexuality at its most innocent, its purest form. 

Somewhere along the way sex became the goal, with intimacy being a small pit stop on the way to the finish line. 

So I wanna know, what in the hell happened to the wait! The pining after. The sexual tension so thick they’d serve it at Biscotti’s dessert counter. I want to savor the pleasure of the buildup to enjoy the satisfaction of the climax, got dammit every story has a narrative structure, and sex is no different. 

I know you’re thinking, “Kiah, that’s called foreplay.” No, it isn’t. Foreplay implies sex. What I’m talking about is pure, innocent intimacy with very little to no sexual implication. We might have sex at some point, or we might not. The beauty of intimacy lies in its gradual progression, its simplicity and playfulness. It doesn’t insist upon sex, because it doesn’t need sex to exist. All it needs is an attraction that develops into connection. 

And that is what I am after. 

My 20s was a string of serious relationships where intimacy, playfulness and connection were mere vehicles to get us to marriage and children. Then, after a few failed attempts, I concluded that I have no authentic desire to be married or have children, so where does that leave me? After all, what is a woman’s job if not to be wife and mother? Do I resign myself to a life at the convent in devotion and service to God or do I live in a stage of perpetual singleness? No. Of course not. I just adjust my approach to dating, relationships, and sex. Enter, the teenage love affair. 

The TLA (teenage love affair) is partly inspired by the romantic notions of the French,  (I always found their approach to romance so chic) and teenage romance. It is organic & fluid, devoid of the rigidity and rules of the American dating scene. It is defined by its playful innocence and low risk. Thus, it is not bound by timelines or a biological clock, nor does it follow a pre-established set of guidelines based on patriarchal norms or societal pressures. It bares some resemblance to friends with benefits, but as the latter dynamic suggests, the TLA is not inherently sexual. 

It is connection for connection’s sake. 

I won’t pretend to be the voice of all women, (hell they’d probably burn me at the stake for suggesting that a man’s erection is none of our business) but I think if more women weren’t expected to put out in exchange for some intimate attention, we’d all be happier. Men included. 

As for me? I’m looking forward to meeting someone who wants to hold hands and make out during a double-feature at the local drive in, and be okay with it not going any further than that. 

As always, it’s a pleasure having you down here at The Noir Narrative. See you next time.